Broken Wings: 3

Chapter 3

16 August 1971

Mama scolded me because I went to play at Asiah’s house. She heard me when I was talking to Kak Naz about Abang Marwan who came back for the weekend. Mama pinched me on my right arm and she forbade me to eat together so I have to wait until they finished eating. But I’m not hungry because Asiah’s mother invited me to eat goreng pisang before I left. Asiah’s mother is very kind. Her father is kind too. Papa and Mama never talk to me like Asiah’s parents do. I don’t know why. Mama keeps blaming me for almost everything. Sometimes I feel like I don’t really belong to this family. Maybe I belong to someone else.

Then the idea hit her like a storm. What if she was adopted? Or her mother had to raise her because her real family has gone forever. Those crazy thoughts were playing on her mind. She wanted to ask her mother but she didn’t dare. She asked her sister once, but her sister said nothing. Let alone Azlan, he never talk to her since she was very small.

She then wrote something in her diary.

I need to find out who I am and where do I belong if this family is not my real family.

Weekend was Kalsom’s favourite. Although she had to do all the house chores, she didn’t mind as long as it’s weekend. Her family will go for outing somewhere in town and be back in the evening. Those two days were sacred to her. She didn’t mind if her family left her alone in that house. She didn’t mind if her family came back with smiling faces and laughter. She didn’t mind if they didn’t buy anything for her.

She’s happy because there’s one person who will accompany her – Mak Mah. She’s the cook and she worked there since Kalsom was a small child. Kalsom treated her like her own mother and Mak Mah did the same. Mak Mah worked from dawn until dusk. She’s the best cook in the house and Kalsom learned cooking from her.

Sometimes Mak Mah pitied Kalsom because her mother didn’t treat her like she treated Azlan and Nazatul. Her mother, Rohaya, always blamed Kalsom for everything. If there’s something wrong that day, she’ll say that it was all Kalsom’s fault because she brought bad luck to the family. But Kalsom couldn’t say anything, neither did Mak Mah.

“Mak Mah, what do you want to cook today?” asked Kalsom as she finished sweeping the backyard.

“What do you want to eat for today? Your mother asked me to buy a chicken this morning. I bought it from Pak Jamal.” asked Mak Mah back with a smile.

“Hmm…let’s see,” Kalsom had a thought for a while. “I really want to eat chicken soup today. It’s my favourite. Plus, I don’t think Mama and the others will come back this afternoon. They usually come back late,” she replied.

“Okay then. I’ll do the chicken and you do the spices,” said Mak Mah.

Kalsom nodded happily and they cooked together. Kalsom was good in cooking and all the handy works. Even though she was slow in her academics, but when it comes to handy works, she was the best. She could even sew too! Mak Mah taught her sewing and also knitting but Kalsom loved sewing the most.

She showed to her mother embroideries that she sewed but her mother didn’t praise her work but told her that she couldn’t make money by doing that. But Kalsom never gave up. She wanted to show her mother that she got another talent besides not to be number one student in school.

After finish eating, Kalsom took a short nap for a while. During weekdays, she couldn’t take a nap because her mother forbade her not to. Sometimes Nazatul will persuade her mother if Kalsom was very exhausted. Nazatul loved her sister even though they argued and Nazatul was the only sibling whom Kalsom could rely with. Unlike her brother, Azlan, he never cared about Kalsom nor talked to her.

Dear Diary,

Mama and Papa came back home nearly dusk and they looked happy. Kak Naz told me that they went to the beach for the picnic and after that they went to town. Mama bought a lovely dress for Kak Naz and she said that I can have it when I become a little bit taller.

Kak Naz always let me wear her old dresses. They seem old but for me, they are still beautiful. Mama never bought me lovely dresses like Kak Naz but she always bought me one pair of baju kurung for Eid Celebration. I don’t like the colour and the pattern but I can’t say anything because Mama will scold at me and throw away the baju kurung. She’d done it once, the night of Eid Celebration but Tok Wan bought another baju kurung for me.

I miss Tok Wan very much and I can’t wait for the school break. I don’t know why Mama doesn’t like to go to Tok Wan’s house, or Mak Ngah’s house. She only sends me there if she wants to go for a family vacation.

Kalsom was interrupted by her mother who’s yelling for her name. She quickly hid the book and rushed out of her room which she shared with Nazatul. Rohaya scolded her for not wiping the dining table. She wiped the table earlier but Rohaya didn’t satisfy. She pinched Kalsom’s arms and slapped her on her face. Kalsom held back her tears and wiped the table until it clean.

“You’re worthless child! There’s nothing you can do perfectly! You have small brains and stupid!” her mother yelled at her, pinching her arms again. “Why can’t you be more like Nazatul. She’s beautiful and got brain. You have no brain and ugly!”

Then Rohaya insulted her again and again, telling her that she’s worst than a worm. Kalsom ignored the insults and went to her room. She didn’t cry because crying won’t change anything. Nazatul consoled her but she felt nothing. Inside her heart was empty.